I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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