Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
