Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
