Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
