I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
