the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My dick has a subreddit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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