i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
