There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
