i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Two words: nipple clamps
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