Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
