Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize