If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
