five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
