If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
God, I missed his penis.
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