so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
