we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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