Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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