i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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