she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
