I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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