How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
