I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Text me some of your sweat
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
