i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
