yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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