i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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