i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
