im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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