im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When did angry sex become our thing?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
