im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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