somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
