what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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