i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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