I want to make a zoo with you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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