a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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