I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
