My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
