I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
