Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
