I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
