I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
