Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
