so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
