i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Alive.
So much puke
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
