she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
