Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
