Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize