OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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