Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
