Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
