This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
