I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
