12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
