So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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