Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The air taste purple.
Randomize
