I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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