So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
