had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
