I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
