There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
