Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
