so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
a search helicopter?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
