I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
