69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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