one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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