Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i came on her dog
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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