be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
