Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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