just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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