I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
