I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
