she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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