Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
