Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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